F***! Sorry in advance, but that’s what happened. I started swearing.
Those of you who know me, will be shocked, because I do not swear (a lot).
I actually hated the f-word, but recently I was forced to start using it on a more regular basis (I will try to stop, because I know it’s wrong, I really do). Promise Mom!
So brace yourself for some hard core content, because here’s my lowest motherhood moments
7. The one where I changed countless diapers…
And when I finally looked in the mirror realised why I was smelling like poo the whole day! Yes, you guessed it there was a smear of poo across my cheek.
How come I didn’t notice it earlier? Or more importantly why didn’t anyone tell me? I don’t know. Like the saying goes… Sometimes shit happens.
I fail…
6. The one where I put frozen cabbage leaves in my feeding bra…
To sooth my huge Pamela Anderson like breasts, thanks to Mastitis, developed during my 13 month of breastfeeding.
Yes, it really helped. Yes, it still is difficult to think of my boobs as sexy. No, I’m not eating coleslaw ever again.
I fail…
5. The one where I lose it…
After a long day alone with baby. Screaming at hubby for not taking over fast enough, slamming the bedroom door, sitting on the floor and crying like a baby.
Confession: This happened more than once.
I fail…
4. The one with her first hiding…
Driving back from Pretoria late afternoon, dead tired, in the dark, through Schoemanskloof, to bath and put my little angel to bed.
Once home she wants nothing to do with me and screams the roof of. Around 21:15 (after 3:45 minutes of uninterrupted screaming, exhausted from all day long meetings, I finally snap and she gets her first hiding.
She screams (louder). I cry (louder). And my husband are trying to console both of us at the same time.
I fail…
3. The one where Minki press the alarm button…
Armed response shows up. I need to open the door and reassure the polite officer that everything is under control (or not).
Once back in the house I caught a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror:
- Pajamas (old ones),
- No bra (breastfeeding boobs are not perky),
- White gown (with brown smears) – could be poo, could be Nutella
- And hair that could only be described as an afro.
Then I realised why he looked at me like that. Oh and did I mention it was 15:20. And I have NOT brushed my teeth.
Poor officer…Poor me.
I fail…
2. The one where Minki throws a public tantrum…
We are on our way to the car after a busy afternoon of shopping. Heading out we need to stop at the ice-cream parlor, because Minki insists on an ice-cream cone.
Take note: The cone NOT the cup. Big mistake, HUGE.
As we exit the cone melts and so does my heart (not in a good way).
I try to save the situation and turns the cone around in a cup – great thinking right? No. Losing it completely Minki throws the ice-cream on the floor and starts screaming. Every time I get closer so rolls closer to the floor – I literally can’t pick her up.
All the while screaming and rolling. Everybody is looking: The waiters at Panarottis, the people around the fountain and of course this is all happening at the mall entrance.
I’m looking like a vanilla clothed idiot and the worst Mom in the world.
I fail…
1. The one where I started using the f-word…
Yes, it happened more than once. Yes I’m trying to stop saying it, but it’s just so damn hard.
My days are filled with failures…
Getting out of the car, trying to carry 15 bags, my laptop, Minki, her bunny and her water bottle. Climbing up the stairs our huge Alsation decides to join in and lick my brand new light blue jeans with his muddy tongue. The bag (with the wine) snaps, everything falls, except Mink!
So I swear…
Realising it’s 12:00 I haven’t done anything. Sitting down to quickly reply to some emails and all the dogs in the neighbourhood decides to start barking all at once – nonstop. And if they stop for a minute I hear the joyful sound of Carike & Ghoempie.
So I swear…
Because I fail
I fail to be a good Mom, wife and person on a daily basis.
I try, but it’s hard.
It’s the stupid, little things that get to me.
And it’s hard with all this failing to NOT feel like a constant failure.
I realised that while it’s definitely not okay to say f*** – It’s okay to admit that motherhood is hard.
It’s (for the last time) f***ing hard.
But in between the failing moments there are the little beautiful moments and that makes up for all the failing.
And at night, just before I pass out, I try to think about those moments.
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ALL been here hun. You’re not a failure, it’s all part of the process ❤️
Thanks for your kind words Kajal! It’s just some days are harder than others.. And there really are a million beautiful moments but being a Mom is a lot of hard work and some days I struggle with it…
Ah Helene you have not failed. You have just been subject to motherhood and good for you for surviving. I would say my lowest was being pooped on. But I have also lost it on more than one occasion. And we had that tantrum over cones too.
Aaaw Heather your message makes me feel so much better about my (poor) mothering skills. I just realise every day that motherhood is amazing yet terrifying! And I’m trying to survive! But knowing I’m not the only being-pooped-on Mama makes me feel a lot better! 🙂 How is your husband doing now? Sending lots of love. Xxx
This is golden Thank You !!!!
I truly can relate 100% with this !!!
So happy to hear I’m not the only Mama who does not always have EVERYTHING together… I was actually thinking about not publishing this post Nicolette because it’s so raw and real and obviously embarrassing but then I realised there’s a lot of Mamas out there who might be going through the same struggles on a daily basis.
Thanks for reading and relating! Xxx
This is golden Thank You !!!!
I truly can relate 100% with this !!!
I thought I was the only one,i can relate with this 100%
You are definitely NOT the only one Nthabiseng. 🙂 As you see I’m also struggling with a lot of things on a daily basis! Motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me, but that does not mean it’s not scary! Xxx
Very well said. Wait till she becomes a teenager…..
Oh no Bianca!!!! 🙂 I’m just taking it one day at a time and trying to survive. Holding on the all the cuteness and beautiful moments in between the chaos!
It is OK to not have your sh*t together all the time. Took me a really long time to know that. We are only human.
And it helps to know that you/me/others are not alone in feeling like a failure. Rock on mom!
Ha ha I agree Mari! And I definitely do not have my sh*t together most of the time! Ha ha! But I’m still learning and sometimes it just gets me…
But just reading your comment I feel better.. So stupid but knowing I’m not the only one having these feelings helps a lot!
I sigh..to gather myself and try again. It is a deep breath in and out after all.But this is a problem for my husband..sigh..lol. He hates it. How does one keep everything together while trying to keep everyone happy whilst bottling up frustrations?!?
I love the “sighing” technique Nicolene! According to all the experts a deep breath is the answer to calmness… Tell that to your hubby. 😉
To answer your question… I DON’T KNOW!!! I just realise every day that women (WE) are super-humans! Somehow we manage our babies, hubbies, work, home and the list goes on.. But that’s why sometimes I have to say f***! Or try that deep sigh thing you are doing… Just until we figure this out! 🙂
? love it, we’ve all been there. I’ve had so many lowest moments I’ve lost count, and my kids are 12 and 9, so there have been so many.
P.S. Sometimes being braless and in pajamas at 15h20 is the best part of my day, and saying f**k a lot is strangely therapeutic ?
Ha ha ha okay you have just made my day!!! Ha ha I also thought it was a great day (you know braless, pajamas, crazy hair, don’t care kinda vibe) until that poor security officer interrupted my “perfect day!”
I seriously don’t know how I’m going to get her to age 9, not even to mention 12! But so happy to hear that I’m not the only one and that we all sometimes feel like mom-failures…
And I really don’t know why but saying f**k is so therapeutic… I tried other words but I do not get the same satisfaction..
Definitely something wrong with me!
What a great read! The reason: it reminds me again that I am not alone in this feeling. I almost want to rejoice in this feeling because it reminds me of the amazing blessing I have…being called mommy! Having those little arms around me hugs away the less good moments.
Thanks so much for reading Elscke! I know right, we are so hard on ourselves and sometimes forget that a lot of Mamas feel the same. And that’s what’s helping me… realising that I’m not alone, I’m not that bad and that it’s actually normal to have these feelings…
And I couldn’t agree more with the litte chubby arms… That’s the thing for me… she drives me crazy but then she is sooo cute and then we start all over again… 🙂
Been there, done that, got the t shirt! Glad to hear I am not the only one!
Haha Bianca! You are definitely NOT alone!! Have a great day! 🙂
Aah,believe me,you are not a failure. Been there,done that got the T-shirt.
Yes, the off days are the most and you do feel you can’t cope, it does get better, hang in there ,you went through the worst which means you are a great mom and wife..
Just don’t be an idiot like me and have 2 more ..went through the hard core 3 times, they all still alive including husband…now I enjoy them ,no more changing diaper,feeding and crying they in school primary and high over the baby stage…
Aa I’m laughing for your title! Mom wins battle x 3! Love it! Ha ha! Your post gives me so much hope for the future! And I only have one! Well done for raising 3 and keeping them alive 😉 You need to give me some tips please!!?
I had a good laugh because after raising 4 kids I know exactly what you are talking about!!
Haha! Ek weet nou nog nie HOE Mamma dit gedoen het nie???
This post has popped up at such an appropriate time.
Last week was such a failure week for me to. I felt like there was rock bottom, a few layers of crap below that and then me.
My child was being difficult and I screamed at him, more like shrieked at him, and the look of pure fear on his face…. That was my fail.
But every day we get up and try more and I suppose that is what makes us good mothers.
Hang in there.
It’s all we can do.
Motherhood really is hard.Sometimes I wonder how our parents managed to make it seem so effortless.